I Fear Myself When I'm Mad

Anger.
It destroys everything in its path. When it eats me, I become destructive. I destroy everything blocking my way--people, things, and even myself. One of the people I fear most is myself possessed by the spirit of anger. I swear: I don't like myself when I'm mad.
People would usually mention about my blog being too belligerent, too foul, too negative... That's because it is one thing I barely release in person nowadays.
My blog had been the best catharsis of my existence.
Before, I used to not have any control about my temper. But even before being like that, I used to be a goody-goody. Well, it is evident until now if you were to meet me in person. The difference is that I'm bolder than who I was before.
When I'm mad, I throw anything my hand grips. I hit anything. I lose my self-control and I barely think. That is the reason why now I give a good chance for myself to think about stuffs first before reacting like an apparition of The Hulk. I learned the art of patience.
I think a lot about things---the reasons for why this and that happens, I consider and reconsider stuffs... I just have to control myself. But I have no idea about the limits of my patience.
It explodes without warning like a volcano.
There re times my peers would usually notice the way I maximize my voice (even at times I'm not really mad at all!!) when I speak. Sometimes, I roll my eye unconsciously. Usually, I spit out counter attacks like vomits of fire.
Another thing I hate about being like this is that some people become too safe to me. Sometimes they don't feel like talking to me because, I guess, they're frightened or something. And it's a bothersome feeling. I still prefer people who would come up and face me rather than those who keep quiet but has negative thoughts (or talks) about me---oh, such people who stinks like their ass!!! ....... sorry..
Don't worry, I'm not really that evil. Actually, I like a lot of stuffs as much as I hate a lot. So, don't be afraid of me--no, not yet...
Fear me when I'm mad.
Seriously.

A La Freaky Friday??

Dialogue with my mom:
(This happened a few minutes ago...)
Me: Why do I have to do all the responsibilities in this house?! (It's as if I'm the only child!!!)
Mom: You don't even do much. (Clearly vague response from my mom--an oxymoron guys!!)
Me: You just don't know how much I do for my studies (hey, I still work hard though I act a little lazy sometimes)
Mom: Okay, why don't you be the one here at home while I go study? How do you like that? You're lucky you just study..
Me: (JUST STUDY?!!! DAMN!!) ... Yeah, why don't you go study so you would know how much obligations I must accomplish.
Mom: Yes. You clean the house, the rooms, do the laundry, cook, walk your sister to school... Go on so you'll know how much I do here.
Me: .. ... (I prefer to keep my mouth shut or else I would start whipping my pointed tongue around the place again!!!!)
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I've got three siblings: One older brother, a younger brother (?), and a little sister. My brothers are in the right age to fulfill their responsibilities at home.
But my mom always put everything (responsibilities, blame,...) on me. This is a very common topic we keep on fighting about. My mom and I had hundreds of war about me being the only one who receives 95% of the house chores she gives.
But let's deal with that some other time. I'm curious right now about her 'what if'; What if we switch places?
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My mom in the classroom
Ma'am: You. (Points at my mom) What are the objectives of English for Specific Purposes?
Mom: Aaaaahh... ... ...
Ma'am: Just tell me if you don't know anything.
Mom: ... I don't know---
Ma'am: WHAT?!!!! YOU DON'T KNOW?!!! Have you not been listening to my discussion?!!
Mom: (not really liking the course) ... ...
Ma'am: Research about it. Now! Get out. Don't get back until you found something about it. Go!
Classmate: (to my mom) Use the internet so you would be able to do it quickly. Your son doesn't have any library card.
Mom: ... ... (Doesn’t know how to use the internet)
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Me at home
Me: ... (Supposed to be cooking but only knowing how to fry food besides cooking instant noodles)
Me: ... ... ... Ohnerrrr (translation: Oh no)....(How will I do the laundry???.... How much soap needed? What are the steps? What will Chomsky do in such situation?)
Me: .... ... Maximillian Berlitz. Stephen Krashen. Repetitive Drills. Pattern Drills. (Not knowing what to do next...)
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That's just for, like, a couple of hours... But what if for a day?.....
Hmmmmmmmmm............
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Oh no!!!! I can't handle all four kids and a freaky husband!!!!

Critique on Critics

If you want to become a critic, all you have to do is talk about something/someone negatively. Yes, just take a look at the wrongs of your topic and voila!!!
You're an instant critic!!!
(At this moment, I'm warning you that you might just get pissed and bored so I advice you to quit reading...)
That's what's becoming common about critics (or those who claim as so) nowadays. You write about something or someone focusing on the mistakes done and it's already what we call criticizing (this word probably make them think so).
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary (2007-2008), A critic is the "one who expresses a reasoned opinion on any matter especially involving a judgment of its value, truth, righteousness, beauty, or technique" or "one who engages often professionally in the analysis, evaluation, or appreciation of works of art or artistic performances". This means that the critic's job is to evaluate a certain stuff.
To make things a little easy to understand, I shall have movie critics as examples. I've read a lot of movie critics and I came to a point to doubt their opinions because I noticed how negative critics are nowadays. The critics nowadays would intend to watch a movie and trace every single flaws in it.
It's like watching a circus and merely waiting for the man in the flying trapeze to fall. My point is, we don't pay attention to the good points of a movie instead we only look at the flaws in it--and that is what they call evaluating!!
I mean, they would write down reviews of a movie and write only what's not good about it. And that writer thinks he has observed well by merely seeing the mistakes committed and omitted in a movie.
How helpful it si for the reader to have a clue of what to expect in a movie.
There were also critics presented on television just a few weeks ago. It was about the fashion "do's and don't's". They would be given some stuffs (tiara, skinny jeans or hair do's for example) to evaluate and say if it were a 'do' or a 'don't'.
95% of the stuffs in the show were 'don'ts' actually (I don't know if the producers of the show were aware of it). But if you were to see some of the items, they were fine and generally accepted in public. But who am I to react, I ain't no fashion expert. But the thing is, they could've entitled it as "fashion don'ts" instead. I even noticed how much the critics lost words (negative words in particular) to do things wrong. They became poor of words to use.
Why can't they evaluate for real and quit on merely looking at things pessimistically? Isn't it important that we are aware of what's wrong and what's right instead of only knowing what's wrong or what's right ? There isn't any balance.
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Hey, check it out!! Read from top to here----I'm a fucking critic!!! BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

My Japanese Adventures

(CUE: Hare Hare Yukai)
Nazo Nazo, mitai ni... chikyuugi wo tokiakashitara...
Let me give you a little summary of my japanese adventures (as if it were that adventurous). This is because there are people who are asking me (and keep on asking me) about it; Why do you like japanese? When did you start studying japanese? Why do you like japanese?
When I was young (ah-ah-ah.. not that 'All by Myself' song--please!!!), I was fond of watching anime (that's where most people all starts!!). I was fond of sentai (group action team in anime) actually--from Bioman to Jetman then live actions like Mask Rider Black, Ultraman,Shaider... Do I have to mention all??
Then came anime. But I just thought they were just bunch of cartoons. The oldest I could remember is Time Quest and Yu Yu Hakusho.Then the anime cycle went on and on and on.. non-stop. I was getting clues and trying to read hiragana (A Japanese form of writing). I remember the first character I learned as if it were the first person in the planet: 'NO'. It was easy to remeber--it looks like an inverted letter 'e'.
Anyway, to make the short story shorter, I graduated in elementary still engaged in anime (at that particular time, I was a hustler in Pokemon!!!).
But I did not study japanese anymore. Yup, I studied a bit when I met some japanese cousins of mine. The first sentence I learned was the absurd "Nani 'Alaiko'?" which is translated as "What is 'ARAY KO'?"
Then my cousins would answer itai wa. Just now that I'm in college is when I realized that their answer meant "It's PAIN".
Aaaaah... So that's why my cousin AIko asked me to pinch them first before asking it....
When I was a stupid highschool sophomore, I met a close friend who was a hardcore otaku that time. But when I met him, I lost interest with anime. Imperfect timing!!! Just when somebody was encouraging me to study japanese was when I was not into it.
I was studying spanish by that time. But only a little Spanish--that's just another story,do you mind?
Then, when I was graduating in highschool, I met a girlfriend I could never let go for years: Sadako.
JHORROR... (CUE: One Missed Call ring tone)
One Missed Call, Ringu, Ju-On, School Day of the Dead... Name it, I've seen lots of it. But not just jhorror but also Asian Horror Movies (believe me, this is also another story..... a looong discussion...).
Then, out of nowhere, my japanese enthusiasm was revived!!! I came down to Powerbooks (UY!! Free advertisement!!!) and met the cool japanese grammar books. I took a look on the books (wow!! super rhymes!!!) and then--poof!!!
No, it did not became a Coco Crunch....
I became interested to the language.. unconsciously.... because I did not really put interest on it since my real aim is to learn many languages.
Well, it is a very easy language to study (I do self-study for the mean time). And with the help of my japanese-enthusiasts-buddies, Oso, Candy, Mark, Rianna.... I became engaged with the whole subject: Japan.
(Anything to do with my liking of Japan, its culture, and the rest is, again, another story)...
So, the action went on...
I watch animes...
I watch NHK...
I listen a lot to Jpop...
I study kanji....
But still, I ain't turning back on my motherland (CUE: Lupang Hinirang)...
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Sorry, I just had to put my right hand on my chest and sing for a while.. And whatever it is about my being nationalistic is again another story...
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to be continued....

Brief Orientation

Yes?.... What Majorship are you going to take up?....
Okay, over here please....
Please sit down...
....
....
So, this is not going to be an easy choice.. First of all, you have to be clear about your decision. So, are you really willing to take up this majorship?....
You sure?....
Okay. There are requirements, here...
That's your copy of requirements and the courses you are going to take up for this coming semester. Read all of it. Don't forget that this summer vacation is not given for you to enjoy---the professors are expecting you to go anywhere possible to research about what could possibly be your lessons in those subjects--no, I'm not kidding. I'm serious.
Next, prepare yourself for sleepless nights---you are bound to do the impossible (but that's just an exaggeration). Tell your friends that you shall never meet them again--you will be kept from your social life once you begin the course.
Also, be active. Studying is not enough. You must have some kind of foresight---exert some efforts and be accustomed of getting frustrated. Not all you expect to happen shall happen.
Always expect the worst.
Why are you laughing? So you think I'm kidding?...
...
Okay...
You are also required to study even when you're not at school anymore---no gimmicks, no social life, no love life, no family, no house chores----dedicate your whole self to studying. Bury yourself with books. Always study, study, study...
And don't forget to sell your souls to the authorities. It will help. If you can't handle it, you may jump out of that window without opening it--I'm telling you: It will feel better that way.
Oh, and lastly, buy some Personal Computer or Laptop. You are so going to need it. Take my word for it.
Any questions?
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It seems to me that it is all clear to you then. Okay. See you on June and have a nice day...
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Oh, and I forgot.... Now that you shall be part of the family.. You will also meet your new god...
That's all. Get out.

Sunday Fever

ボケは病気ですよ・
The wind was blowing too cold upon me when I woke up this morning with that very heavy feeling as if Goliath was sitting on me. I mustered all the efforts I could to fix my bed and go down for breakfast and confirmed to myself that I was sick.
I mean, I am sick.
I have this fever and my head is in the grip of pain. My throat is not feeling well. My grandmother, ever so caring, told me to take vitamins daily so that I could be healthy. She advised me to take some Centrum (Silver) with what seemed like an Angel Locsin commercial when she told me that I shall be "complete" with it.
My technique was to burn my throat with my daily dose of caffeine. I took it in even if it were really hot. Then I was losing my appetite when I had my breakfast. Just last night, Mark told me how much I have lost weight. It was a very alarming epiphany for me since I had the slightest care about my health for the past few weeks.
I even noticed how pale I am now and if I were to get sicker today, I'd probably become your official walking skeletal system chart!!!
In the middle of the day, I tried my very best to finish my meal. Well, I succeeded on finishing all that was on the plate. But I ended up, still, not feeling well and felt that anything with a flat surface was pulling down my whole body.
But I have to do my thesis today!!! And now it doesn’t still feel right and I don’t want to miss school on a Tuesday (you know----it’s Prof M’s day!!!). I am very much praying for becoming well tomorrow. It is just one of my most hated feelings: to be sick. I am traumatized from my very last time of having fever and that was when I was a college freshman when I had dengue.
I swear---I FELT LIKE DYING!!!!!!!!
Pray for me guys…. I failed to go to church today.

the Cringle Incident

GLUTTONY:
There are people asking me about The Cringle Incident. Instead of saying it over and over again, I will just retell it here in my blog. This is actually one of the stories I posted in my Summation for 2006--but don't bother rummaging through my blogs. It's here anyway..
It was my first time to be in Sucat, Parañaque. Mitch and I came there to visit her boyfriend (her boyfriend that time). And it was not too long 'til we get to go to his house. We were treated nicely as guests. We met his parents and his two little brothers who were playful.
"I'm really hungry," I said while sitting on a chair beside Mitch in the living room. The food had just arrived.
Cringles.
It's just the best part about visiting: The Chance to eat!!! Along with it was a bottle of soda. Mitch took one. Having no embarassment, I took two. I took a bite and felt its warmth as though I were eating some piece of earth. The taste... something's wrong. I looked at Mitch. Her face had a question mark as she chewed. As if reading her thoughts, I knew she felt the same way as I did.
Shit. It's not a fucking crinkle.
It's just a plain chocolate bread.
But the white stuffs on it...? I looked at it closely. I was about to faint. I knew I was going to die.
Mitch and I will.
I put the other bread into my pocket. I knew I had to. It was embarrassing though to vomit in front of the owners of the house. So I swallowed.
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Ever tasted white mold before??
We have...