Epilogue: Anything But Ordinary

The sun sets again. An employee and then another finished work. A song ended playing on air. Another TV show says farewell. Jeepneys and taxis and more varieties of vehicles reached their destinations and finally stopped moving. A game is finally over. Children in the streets quit playing games. The store closes. Lights in bedrooms turned off one by one.
It is very common to feel sadness on Endings of whatever story. We would not know anymore what happens next, that's why kind writers created "Happy Endings" to assure their audience that everything else after the story would go on fine and okay. But still, it's sad to know that something will not be around anymore because it is going to end.
Leaving my teenage years will be a nice step to maturity. Some of my friends would tell me that I'm old---let me say this: I'm just older than them. Everyone will reach this stage (unless one dies early.) And you will probably get the same treatment from younger ones.
It is not only that I am ending my teenage years. I'm also ending my 'Anything But Ordinary' life. This is the life I lived for so many years: A life I used to consider insipid and ordinary. But growing up and having the time to look back, I realize how adventurous it had been. And it is by being ordianary did I became as somebody now.
I've become somebody by being a nobody. I tasted pain and liked it. I got rejected and moved on. Being nobody for me have felt like being somebody for myself and for the people around me. I have been whining while unconciously I was becoming something people talked about, someone people liked or disliked or hated, someone whom people criticize and someone whom people try to bring down.
I am somebody.
So, I end up complaining about how it had been an ordinary life for me. Because it is always up to us to paint the portrait of our life. As my former Rizal Professor would always tell us: "Life is what you make it." And indeed by being myself did I make something out of it.
Now that I take a big step forward, I'm sure there will be new challenges to face. It's natural. And problems are what keeps me up everyday. Without problems, my life will be dull. The problem with problems is that we worry about it too much and it just complicate things more. And I bet these will be testing me on how strong I am now. These problems will just make me bolder--it will be a path to invinsibility. If I give up or don't win on this, I'll be damned more than ever.
It's life. Go with the flow. But we may go against it if it is not making us happy anymore. And you may always find out how strong you've become by doing so. You'll find what beauty it is in the other side of this Current.
You'll find freedom.
And the sun will rise again. People will wake up and get to work. Vehicles will fill the traffic. Children will be on the streets again and stores open for customers. Songs begin to play once more. You shall continue walking this complicated life.
... This will be my last post for this blog. Because there will be no ordinary person to update it. It will be no "Anything But Ordinary" anymore. No more to read about that Ordinary Person. Because he's gone.
And I shall be walking this other path now. The path far away from where the Current used to bring me to. And there's no stopping me.
"The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. "
~Seneca

Mondays and Thursdays

I thought I have already prepared much of myself for this school year that came.
I was wrong.
I thought evrything would go on as it is in my Second Year college and that there is nothing worse.
I was wrong.
I though I've been handled by the most terror teachers in all of my schools.
kuso, chigaimasu!!!
And as I sat in the air-conditioned classroom that Thursday afternoon, I tried my best not to feel the nervousness that I may feel once the professor I expected would announce that she is going to be our professor for the whole sem. Even as she walked into the classroom my mind was just blank and it suddenly felt to me as if I were in a Roller Coaster Ride preparing to take off.
I wonder how the drop of the Coaster would be like.
Yes.. It is now confirmed that Ma'am M. is going to handle our class. If you're not aware of who she is, she is just the most strict (terror I might add) in the whole campus.
Being a PNUan, meeting Alumni and Alumnae (and even other co-sutdents) outside or inside the campus, they would ask me, or us, if we already have Her as our professor. She's that phenomenal.
Anyway, based on my observation she is always righteous with her shouts and anger--she always got a good point about it and it impressed me actually. She reasons out pretty well, even telling us that she is not the one who makes us frightened rather we ourselves build our own fear upon her.
Maybe, because it is so obvious that she just wants us to do exactly what she wants and that she wants us to use our common sense most of the time. Overall, I'm beginning to like her--I don't know if it is due to fear or amazement or both.
But the thing that just had my head aching this whole day was the requirements she told us.
Mountains of works.
Okay, so now I have to carry a lot of burden---considering this is not the only subject we got. Well, good luck!!!
Right now that I can't predict anything, I think all is left to do is work hard on it. Bottom line: Do as she says.

Bloody Satisfaction

Have you ever been bullied in your life?
I don't think it is something bad that happens to one's life though it is something done bad to one's life. I guess my very first encounter with bullies was back then when I was in 4th grade and I got assigned to be in the 'Star Section'. Of course, it was a different world for me and damn right it was. I admit that I was really a dork back then when I was younger. And because of that, people would take advantage of me; of my innocence, of my kindness and of my patience.
I vividly remember this guy I'll name here as 'N'. He had been annoying me for the whole school year; laughing at the stuffs I do, making fun of me and sometimes, of my family. He should be thankful I was kind that time or else he already knows what Hell is all about.
One time, he asked me to take of my eyeglasses. As I did so, he told me to put them back on because, he said, I look like shit.

There were also some people who considered me crazy. But the fact is that they were beyond my reach; not because they were smart or rich or anything but because their pride are held up too high. Too high. tsk tsk tsk...

And so, I went on with my life. I went to high school and improved a little though you just can't simply take the word 'dork' off me. Some people would make fun of me and I just kept silent... avoiding any fight--which right now I regret a lot!!! I could've taught them a lesson. But don't worry, time will come... I'll be able to get my payback.

"You just don't look like you belong to the speech choir," said one white classmate of mine to me. She said I didn't fit the choir because I don't look good in it.

While going home after a party a few months from now, Mr. Sex-is-what-I'm-all-about told me, " Stop acting the way you are or else I'll give you a punch that will send you bones flying out into Africa." Okay, so that was very offending, considering that he used to be my bestfriend in high school. It just make me laugh though for his poor choice of words especially that I don't see the relevance of Africa in our conversation. Before he say stuffs about me, I might as well kick his ass of this country and send his guts to Jupiter and his bones to Egypt and his rotten soul to hell. Maybe he'll still be able to find more sex in there, although I think he will never feel pleasure ever again.

What do i want to point out in this entry. Well, it's just simple. Let's not mess other people's lives if we don't want ours to be messed afterward. Anger should not be an emotion kept inside--it erupts on perfect timing. And no matter what, it will seek for revenge.
A revenge to heal these wounds. And revenge is a euphoric satisfaction--especially for me.
And you may be wondering about my second sentence in this entry--that it's not really a bad happening in life to be bullied. It's not for me, because it taught me a lot of lessons. It made me grow and become a stronger person.
I've become immune with pain.
So it didn't make my life bad. It's going to make their lives miserable. Because I'm not what I used to be. I now found myself.

And revenge satisfies me.